It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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