I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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