Duck Duck Cougar?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
