It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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