i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
