Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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