that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
