The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I could make wine with my vomit
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
