Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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