My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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