She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
