I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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