So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
