best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
