i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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