R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
