I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
