so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
This toilet bowl is my home.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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