I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I wish you could order shots online.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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