i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
