hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
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