How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
