I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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