What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Randomize
