If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
