# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
