no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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