I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Randomize
