Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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