Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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