It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
