She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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