Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
