idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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