like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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