She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
