The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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