By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
