I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
This is my gift to your gina
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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