Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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