his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
