You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
