I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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