would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
