OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
