i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
