Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
