That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
