I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
