I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
