theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
