I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Be still, my beating vagina.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
