after a month anything with tits is on the radar
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
this just has baby written all over it
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
